Naked For Jesus

… I THOUGHT that title might get your attention.

I moved to Toronto in early 1996, from a little (a$$)hole-in-the-wall town in Southern Ontario.
Walking down Bloor St one day, I ran into an acquaintance from high-school. He told me that he was looking for musicians to start a band. Together we put it together:
We ended up as a 4-piece: two acoustic guitars playing punk rock guitar, a bassist, a Sarah McLaughlin-esque soft singer, and a dancy-techno drum machine. We called ourselves ‘Naked For Jesus’ and played exactly ½ of a show (a complete set, but only one guitarist and the singer were there).

We recorded a 4-song demo that I wish I still had.

Naked For Jesus could have been great. But I ended up "dating" the singer.
After a month or two, I found her laying on a friend’s kitchen floor making out with a homeless guy. AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY. A homeless guy who had been stealing from my vodka bottle all night…. I stepped over the couple, took my bottle, expressed my anger at his swiping my liquor, and went home.

Ever the professional, I had no intention of leaving the band. It was too awesome. Neither did she, and agreed to be friendly. When it was time to choose cover song ideas, I suggested ‘Loose’ by Iggy Pop. Honestly, I thought it would sound fantastic, with raw acoustic guitars, a dance-y beat, and a soft vocal.
Unfortunately the singer didn’t believe me. Something about the chorus (I stick it deep inside, I stick it deep inside, ‘Cause I’m Loose) didn’t feel right to her…
She got offended and quit, breaking up the group before we ever really got our start.

I never saw the bassist again. I heard that the singer dropped out of school around the time her homeless boyfriend got beat up for being a Nazi. The other guitarist and I remained friends for a few years, until alcohol and a hectic city pace drew him back to small-town Ontario. We never played together again.


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Also when I moved here, I was listening obsessively to The Velvet Underground. They appeared on my MP3 player this morning and I thougth about NFJ for the first time in over a decade.