Naive

The first week of January 2005 I got dumped. It was actually the only time in 35 years that it's happened to me, and it was crushing.
That first Saturday night, I hid at home alone and got really drunk. I remember waking up Sunday, and opening another bottle of gin.

Wallowing in self-pitty, I sat at my keyboard and started hammering out the notes that made sense at the time. Stopping only to scribble my thoughts, everything melded to be 'Naive'. I think it took about an hour to write.

So drunk that I could barely stand up, I programmed a strange 9-bar drum pattern that would repeat throughout the verses, only omitting the 9th for choruses. I think it accurately portrayed the anger and frustration I felt at the time, while the piano expressed my sorrow and hurt.
The off-kilter guitar line at the end spoke of my disorientation (and tipsiness).

Within about 3 hours, Naive went from being a twinkle in the Bombay Sapphire to a written, arranged, recorded, and produced track already been posted online.
I tried to encompass the only relationship (at that point) that I had believed to potentially last a lifetime. That was the girl that made me realize that I could spend my life with one person. The abrupt end was an experience that I (thankfully) have never had to go through again.

Recreating the song for 'Overture', I felt guilty over-writing the original performances. Unfortunately in my drunken stupor I had deleted the files as soon as i posted, intent on keeping it pure.
So I redid the track, keeping only the original guitar performance that I found somewhere random on my PC. I wasn't able to sign with the same swagger or hurt inflecting, but maybe that's just a sign that I'm much better now. I can't completely reconnect with the Matt that wrote that in a near-suicidal plea to my self-conscious.

Naive
Thought I'd want to spend my life with you
Told me that you felt the same
I let you in, I dropped my guard, tore down my wall
It left me so Naive

Blaming no-one but myself for this
Malice never was your style
Here alone, I'll think about what I gave in
To make me so Naive

Never want to love again
You hurt too much to be my friend
Don't understand, I can't believe
You got this far, I'm so Naive

Faith in no-one but myself from now
Tarnished soul that I'll conceal
Humanity I'll never feel a kinship with
It left me so Naive

Never want to feel this way again
Dead and breathing, just the same
An open sore for all to see, I'll wear with pride
I'll never be Naive

Never want to love again
You hurt too much to be my friend
Don't understand, I can't believe
You got this far, I'm so Naive